


Secret

by Str4y



Series: Broken [5]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Blood and Gore, Broken, Broken Bones, Character Death, Crying, Disturbing Themes, Explicit Language, Felix and Seungmin are the only relationship, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, M/M, Murder, Necrophilia, Rape/Non-con Elements, Secrets, Sequel, Smut, Torture, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, Villain PoV, extreme violence, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 22:28:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20379142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Str4y/pseuds/Str4y
Summary: Why did Seungmin help him? He hated Jisung. He hated everything about him. Everything that had to do with him. Jisung was a stain. A stain threatening Seungmins life, his boyfriend, his everything. He couldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t.Why did Seungmin help Minho? He could have avoided the guilt. Avoided everything if he had just let him die.Why did Seungmin do what he’d done? Why did he get so involved. So encompassed.Why did Seungmin end up caring about Minho to the point he felt guilt. Guilt for keeping his dirty secrets.Part 5 to Chime series.





	Secret

**Author's Note:**

> M A J O R D I S C L A I M E R
> 
> -for the millionth time, I do not condone anything these characters do. They’re vile. The whole series is surrounded by unimaginable persons. Just because Seungmin may seem ‘normal’, He’s clearly not. He’s pretty fucked in the head. And I’m his POV, he would never admit it. 
> 
> -don’t comment that what happens in the beginning is deserved at all. Even if it seems like justice in a way, it’s still awful. And commenting that you’re glad it happened looks very...just don’t comment that. 
> 
> -if anything tagged bothers you, close the fic. 
> 
> -do not under any circumstance attack anyone who enjoys or kudos/comments. Whether they support/enjoy/disprove. Whatever. Do not fucking attack them. I don’t care what high horse reasoning you’d have, get out of here. On both sides, get out. 
> 
> -DO NOT READ IF UNCOMFY
> 
> -DO NOT BASH ANYONE WHO READS/ENJOYS/HATES
> 
> -DO NOT POST THIS FIC IF YOU HATE IT TO YOUR FOLLOWERS TO GET THEM TO HATE IT TOO. DONT EXPOSE DARK THEMES TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD NOT FIND THEM OTHERWISE. (If you do, fuck you.)
> 
> -Any ill will you have you can send to my CC where I will promptly answer you. :) 
> 
> -thank you. If you didn’t read this, whatever happens is on you. 
> 
> Please tell me if I missed anything in the tags!

Secret

He should have never assisted this man’s crimes. He should have never let this man’s words sway him. And all for what? To keep from going to prison? If he knew that this is the life he’d be forced to live because of Han Jisung, he would have just let the man turn him in. 

Han Jisung. He was a problem for sure. A problem that Kim Seungmin couldn’t get rid of. Ever since Jisung had walked in on Seungmin doing an unspeakable act — they’d been inseparable in a strange way. They didn’t hang out, no. And they surely weren’t friends. But they held this strange villainous bond with one another. A deal in a way. ‘You don’t tell on me, I don’t tell on you.’ It was simple. Seungmin just had to keep his mouth shut and Jisung would return the favor. 

Jisung was...evil. He was an absolute evil that Seungmin couldn’t wrap his head around. Of course Seungmin knew he was responsible for what was happening right now. At this moment. Between Minho and Jisung. It was his fault. He knew that. But he couldn’t take all of the blame. He just gave Jisung some sedatives. That’s all he did. Right?

Oh. 

There was a revelation. A struggle. Something happening that almost gave Seungmin away from the wide smile that spread over his face. 

Oh?

Jisung was a problem that maybe he could finally rid himself of. This was just too good. Too fucking good. How could he be so lucky? He knew Jisung was up to no good when he asked him for the sedatives. He knew they were for Minho and his friend, but he let him have them anyways. Seungmin wasn’t bad for this. Giving Jisung the sedatives was a blessing. When Jisung told him he’d show Minho where he buried Hyunjin...he knew that Jisung would do bad things but. This was… this was better than he’d imagined. 

Seungmin didn’t want to fuck with Jisungs sloppy seconds after the Woobin incident, but he did intend on getting Minho after this night. 

At first. 

Now he just wanted to help Minho. That man deserves a reward for killing Jisung for him. For kicking him off the cliff. He was a god. His friend, however, wasn’t but a corpse now. Seungmin was very interested to see what Jisung had done to him. He’d heard screams but...the angle he was at. He couldn’t see anything that happened to that man. But this angle...god he'd never regret this angle. 

And he couldn’t even control the smile that grew wider at his lips as Jisung went over the rail. It wasn’t like Minho had even kicked him that hard. Jisung just sort of panicked that Minho was fighting back and...he just kind of slipped. But, oh god, was it the best thing Seungmin had ever seen. He wanted so badly to just run out and see Jisungs body. To see how badly it must have looked. The way Minho stumbled back in laughter. God, he wanted that. He needed it. 

Minho collapsed so suddenly. Seungmin could feel his blood boiling. And he was really hard. So hard that it was uncomfortable. So much death and he’d probably have the pleasure of examining all of it back at the morgue. Especially Jisung. Jisung would be the best one for sure. Minho...If Minho was still alive he’d try to help him. Minho deserved that much. Especially since he got Jisung to fall off the fucking mountain. He’d help him for sure. 

When Seungmin was sure Minho was completely out of it he finally emerged, eyes darting wildly for any kind of movement. He knew it was just the four of them out there. And he knew for a fact that Changbin didn’t have a pulse anymore. He could only hope the same for Jisung. And Minho; if he was gone, he was gone. If not, he’d help him. He had to. He deserved it so much. 

Minho up close was a goddamn sight. Seungmin has only seen brief photos of Minho, and they were always really sexy nudes or screenshots from his shows. This was so different; he was so soft and pretty. Like jisung had gone on about how pretty he was but shit — he was gorgeous despite the broken nose, busted lip, and bruised up face. 

“You poor baby.” Seungmin sighed, kneeling fully to take Minho’s destroyed hand into his own that was covered in a layer of thick gloves covering the latex he’d worn. Just in case. “He really messed you up…” Seungmin quickly shut up once he heard a soft whimper. He was alive. Good. 

Seungmin let out another brief sigh before moving to slip his arms underneath Minho’s back and legs, scooping him up fairly easily. The way he just dangled in his arms was pretty sad. This poor man had been completely wrecked by that annoying, little monster below.

Jisung.

Seungmin hurried to Jisungs car, settling Minho into the front seat. He looked so tired. So… lifeless, that wasn’t a good thing. He slid off the first layer of gloves, latex underneath to cover his fingers. He didn’t want to get caught after all. Seungmin took a moment before taking out his bottle of pills, popping two into Minho’s swollen mouth before shoving his fingers into his throat. Luckily Minho was still alive. He whined, gagging against the fingers and writhing anxiously. Minho kept his eyes shut tight, not that it mattered. Seungmin made sure he was bundled and unrecognizable. If anything went south, he couldn’t have Minho reporting him. 

Once Minho calmed, he slid his fingers from the boy’s mouth, sighing at the sight as his head lolled to the side. He’d be okay… maybe. His hand was...pretty gruesome. He’d only heard the hammer but he could tell what Jisung had done. Seungmin hated that he’d sat through all of this man’s screaming but...he had no choice. 

“Damn…” Seungmin frowned, taking Minho’s hand into his again, examining how the flesh was hanging, and the muscle and bone were exposed. Useless. They’d amputate it for sure. 

After another few minutes of taking in Jisungs damage, he grabbed a t-shirt from the ground below, wrapping Minho’s hand hastily. It was a goner for sure. But at least the bleeding could slow with the cloth. At least, Seungmin hoped it would. Minho was his fucking hero right now. 

“Good boy.” Seungmin smirked, patting Minho’s cold hair before shutting the door tightly. Jisung. He had to see him, but the trunk… was that where the other one was? 

It wasn’t light enough yet. The sun was coming up so slowly but Seungmin could see it as soon as he peeked over the opened trunk. Blood so much blood. It looked like it’d sprayed all over the fucking trunk. Oh. That’s because it had. 

“Yikes.” Seungmin snorted, examining the small body that was folded onto its side, arms bound behind its back. No head. Interesting. Though the cut could have been done better by a five year old with safety scissors…

Seungmin ran his fingers over the corpse’s exposed arm. He couldn’t even give Changbin a jacket? He was just stiff and cold under the latex. Unfair, for sure. As much as Seungmin hated helping Jisung kill these innocent people, this one was awfully hot. He couldn’t help but feel a tingle of excitement as he turned his gaze towards the ground, following the blood trail until finally gazing upon the boy’s discarded head. Jisung was so careless to toss him like that. And he didn’t even close the guy’s eyes. What a prick. 

“Jesus...he’s so messy.” Seungmin sighed, leaning down to scoop the head in both hands, carefully laying it in place at the jagged stump, tilting his head at the sight. He was a cute one, too. He’d definitely have to make sure Jisung didn’t do anything to Changbin. He hoped he hadn’t. The way this boy’s shirt gripped his muscles were really doing it for him. A lot. 

But he slammed the trunk closed, wiping off his latex gloved hands before slipping the thick gloves back over them, making sure all the doors were locked before rushing over to the railing. 

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

Seungmin couldn’t fight the wide grin that spread over his face. Jisung. He was right down there. Maybe close to twenty feet down or so. Perfect. He could see how twisted his leg was and, god...he just looked so mangled on those rocks that seemed to hold his body perfectly. This would be so good. This was so satisfying. He loved Minho. Minho was the best. 

As Seungmin made his way down the hill, he was lucky to find that where Jisung had fallen was close to the road. Good. He could just take the road back up the mountain. This was too perfect. God, Seungmin had hit the jackpot. 

His body. It was so great. He was folded against the rocks, one arm bent too awkwardly to make any kind of sense. He was finally dead. He was dead, and he wouldn’t wake up. Seungmin could finally—

Fuck. 

“Seungmin?” 

He wanted to scream and bash his head in. That’s what he wanted. But no. Seungmin didn’t kill. He wasn’t a murderer. Was he?

“Seungmin, can you please fucking help me?” He hated this. Jisung, though sputtering blood with each word, sounded okay. 

“Yeah.” Seungmin stated bluntly, glad Jisung couldn’t see the glare in his eyes and the scowl at his lips. Maybe he’d have to let Minho die. Minho didn’t do his job. 

Seungmin could hear the rocks and snow at his feet shift as he moved himself towards Jisung, leaning down to scoop him up almost as carefully as he had with Minho. Though, the most beautiful discovery was made as he slid his fingers underneath Jisung’s neck. 

“Fucking stop!” Jisung moaned out, tears springing to his stupid big eyes. Oh? “I think it’s broken, be careful!” He whimpered then, breaths growing rapid. 

Oh?

“You think it’s broken?”

“You’re the medical one! Is it!?” Jisung panicked, eyebrows knit in pain as Seungmin pressed his fingers around his neck. It was totally broken. For sure. 

“It is.”

“So be careful!” Jisung growled, biting his lip a little too hard now. What a look…

Seungmin decided not to answer, he carefully pulled himself up, keeping Jisungs shaky frame close to his chest, careful with his neck as he inched away from the blood covered rocks. 

Even if Seungmin got Jisung to the car, his wounds were so...so bad. Maybe even fatal. Seungmin had hope. Jisung could still die. He could still very well die. Especially with seungmin moving him. He knew moving Jisung with his injuries was a bad idea, but he didn’t intend on delivering Jisung anywhere alive. Not at all. 

“I’m going to kill him. How long have you been here? Is he dead?” Jisungs breaths were getting worse. He was obviously talking to keep himself from losing his mind, and Seungmin loved it. 

“Minho? I don’t know. I saw him but I didn’t mess with him. I ran to you as soon as I could.” He lied, keeping his grip tight around Jisung as he made his way up a steep incline off the road. He had to get to the car. “I came early.”

“How early?”

Seungmin smirked, “I’ve been here since you arrived. I followed you up, and I’ve been hanging out by the bushes. Nice work on Minho’s hand.”

“I’m going to kill him.” Jisung coughed, the feeling of wetness spreading over Seungmins collar. Shit. Jisung had spat blood there. He’d have to really scrub himself down when he got home. 

“You’re not really in the position.” Seungmin laughed, only getting a pitiful growl from the other male. God, that fueled him even more. 

For someone who was clearly dying, Jisung refused to go without putting up an annoying fight. He should have just succumbed by now. His internal injuries must’ve been extensive. He probably ruptured everything in the fall. Why was he taking so long to die. 

“My car…” Jisung shuddered, lifting a finger to point into the direction of the car that was clearly just ahead. How Jisung could manage to move his fingers was annoying. He shouldn’t have been able to move it at all. Fuck, that just meant that his spine was probably okay too. But that didn’t matter. His ribs were crushed in certain places. And he was bleeding too much for any comfort. He would die. It was just taking so long. 

“I see it.” Seungmin whispered before hearing an audible gasp from the boy in his arms. He must’ve seen Minho propped up in the passenger seat. Good. 

“How the fuck did he?” Jisung couldn’t finish, he started coughing again. More blood. Good. Drown. Seungmin needed him to fucking drown. 

“I put him there.” Seungmin grinned before making his way to the backseat on Minho’s side, noticing how Jisungs eyes were struggling to see the man that Seungmin had settled into the car earlier, “he was going to freeze if I didn’t.”

“What? Kill h—“ he tried, but he just coughed again, an arm cupping over his ribs as Seungmin gently placed him into the car, his legs dangling off the edge of the seat and shoes hitting the ground. “Seung—“ He sputtered again, struggling to turn his head. Good. Good. Good. 

“Why would I kill him? He’s a hero?” Seungmin grinned, taking the keys from Jisungs front pocket, noticing how this nasty motherfucker hadn’t even zipped himself after defiling the man in the front seat. Fucking nasty. “You’re really something, you know?”

He didn’t even let Jisung speak. He left the backseat to hop around the car, turning the keys until the car finally started. Luckily Minho was too drugged out to wake. Good. 

“Ah, want some heat?” Seungmin cooed, patting Minho’s cheek before turning the heat on to a high setting. He could hear Jisung growling and gurgling blood in the back seat. Perfect. 

He didn’t leave Jisung alone long, soon he was crawling into the back, Jisungs face twisting in disgust as Seungmin slid his mask from his lips to reveal his wide grin. Jisung must’ve been so disgusted. For once, he was the prey. He must have known. 

“You know, I got so hard watching you fall off the edge.” Seungmin breathed out, sliding his hands to the partially buttoned pants. 

Jisung’s breaths increased, a hand coming up to lightly tap Seungmin’s chest. Yeah, Seungmin was so ready. He’d enjoy this for sure. 

Seungmin slapped the hand away before tugging the others pants down. Jisung’s chest was rising so quickly now, and his eyes were widening in fear. Maybe he’d had to give him a taste of his own medicine. Jisung deserved this. Yeah, Seungmin wasn’t a saint, but he wasn’t Jisung. Jisung wasn’t even human. He was something else. Something dark. He had less soul than a corpse. 

“S-Stop!” Jisung gagged, trying to raise a knee only to arch himself back some. He must’ve had both of his legs broken in the fall. Made sense. Seungmin couldn’t care less. 

“Stop? Is that what Minho said? Did he get the chance to say anything while you raped him?”

“S-shut-”

“Look who’s a stuttery little bitch now.” Seungmin smirked, slipping himself from the confines of his own pants. The cool air causing him to hiss in uncomfortable pleasure. “Can you hurry up and die so I can finally fuck you properly?”

Jisung sputtered something in panic, nails managing to dig into Seungmins thigh, though it didn’t matter. He wasn’t leaving Jisung here. Jisung was coming with him. 

“I don’t have time for this.” Seungmin spat then, wedging himself between Jisung’s legs after sliding his pants to his jacked knees, admiring how bruised and broken his thighs looked. It was such a good look on him. 

By now, Jisung had actual tears in his eyes. And if he hadn’t just hours ago destroyed the two people who were in the car with them, maybe Seungmin would feel bad. But he couldn’t. 

“Hey by the way, did you fuck his friend? Changbin, right?” Seungmin cooed, running his latex covered fingers down Jisungs forehead that was producing an alarming amount of sweat. Jisung only groaned out a slight ‘no’ in reply. “Hmm, no? That’s good. I’m glad you didn’t. I’ll have a nice time with him. After this nice time, that is.”

“Seungmin.” Jisung whined, hand slipping from his thigh now, “don’t do…” he coughed again, blood hitting Seungmins chin. It was aggravating. But fine. Whatever. He didn’t care. As Jisung tried to fumble through his sentence, Seungmin slid off a glove, sighing at how Jisung’s panic grew as his fingers splayed in the air. 

“Well, I am.” He replied, spitting into his bare palm to Jisungs disgust, “and you’re better off just dying. I’m not going to stop until your fucking half assed soul leaves your pathetic body.”

Jisung’s eyes glared at him ruthlessly, and if Jisung held any power right now it’d be enough to stop him. But he was done. Totaled. So broken that he’d probably die within minutes. Good. Seungmin couldn’t wait for Jisung’s lifeless body. He craved it. “Is it because...Seung—“

“Just hurry up.” Seungmin shut that up quickly. If Jisung was about to say what he thought he was...he didn’t want to hear it. Of fucking course most of this was because of Felix. Of course it was. 

Seungmin paused a moment before sliding his index finger into Jisungs painfully tight hole, noticing how Jisung’s breathing changed as he pressed the finger into the tiny space. It was actually aggravating how tight he was. Nothing Seungmin couldn’t fix later. But for now, it was annoying. 

Jisung tensed, trying to turn his head as he continued hacking up blood. God, he looked so good covered in all that red. 

“Aggravating shit.” Seungmin snorted, forcing another finger in as Jisung shuddered beneath him. He looked so pathetic that Seungmin had to keep reminding himself of just how evil Jisung was. And how he really didn't deserve to die in peace. Not at all. 

After what felt like hours, Seungmin slipped his fingers from the coughing man’s hole, studying his face as he inched himself against the now much slicker place. It’d still be painfully tight, but he didn’t give a shit. 

“Seung...don’t.” Jisung managed, struggling to keep his eyes open as tears continued to fall down his stupid face. 

“Don’t what? Give you what you’ve been giving everyone else?” Jisung whimpered at that. Seungmin almost felt for him. Almost. “You act so...above everything.” Jisung gasped as Seungmin finally entered, shivers running down his spine, “ahhh, you just act like nobody else exists in your world.”

A soft thrust and Jisung was a coughing mess, head painfully lolling to the side. That wouldn’t be good for the fracture at all. “But this isn’t your world.” Another thrust, “you’re just here like the rest of us.”

“S-st—“ Seungmin didn’t let him finish, he covered his mouth with his hand, letting out a light laugh as he moved himself more comfortably now, pleasure forcing his own back to arch. 

“You know, I watched that video. The one you took of Minho.” Seungmin glanced to the front, rolling his hips against the broken body beneath him, “you wouldn’t listen to him. He just kept begging for you to stop. But you wouldn’t. Why is that?” Seungmin laughed, turning his face back to see Jisungs twisted expression, “Ah, is it ‘cause you’re a monster?” Seungmin moved his hand, placing it onto Jisung’s hip, digging his nails into the misshapen pelvis. It must’ve gotten messed up from the fall, too, “you know what the worst part of that video was?”

Jisung just glared, breaths jagged as he continued to sputter blood causing Seungmin to slide his hand away, Jisung’s head starting to hit against the door as Seungmin increased his thrusts. He was so angry. More angry than anything. Good. 

“You did this.” Seungmin moved his still latex-covered hand, squeezing Jisung’s hand a moment before holding the hand against the seat, forcing his fingers backwards. 

Ah, his scream was worth it. As Seungmin waited for the pop of bones in the man’s fingers he took in that scream, slamming his hips into Jisung’s now. Good. 

“Awh, what’s wrong?” Seungmin smirked, Jisung’s head violently slamming into the car door now. He could see his eyes fluttering as if he was passing out. Good. Maybe he’d fucking die already. “Hurts right? But you bragged so much!” He laughed, finally releasing Jisung’s hand to admire how he immediately tried to close it, only crying out more through his blood, “didn’t you want to sleep with Lix?” Jisung let out another soft whine, good. “You’re never going to. Now hurry up and die so I can come, okay?”

Bringing up Felix. He had to. He couldn’t keep that to himself. Part of why Seungmin followed was to keep an eye on Jisung. After what Jisung had threatened he’d do to Felix...he had to keep tabs on him. He couldn’t let this monster anywhere near Felix. Maybe in a way, Felix helped push Jisung to do this awful act. Felix would have been Minho’s replacement.

Seungmin decided to quicken his pace, gripping the shattered bones at Jisung’s hips, the sound of his already fucked up head slamming repeatedly into the door. God, could he hurry up and die? Seungmin was growing so impatient with him. 

Seungmin was starting to feel overwhelmed. He fluttered his eyes subconsciously as he watched the sputtering mess beneath him continue to choke on his own blood. God, it was so satisfying. This whole situation was so fucking satisfying. 

“Ahh, I’ll let Lixie know you said hello.” Jisung seemed to stir at that. Good. “God? How does it feel knowing you’ll never fuck him?” Jisung could only murmur through agonal breaths, fingers twitching against the floor of the car. He looked so defeated. Not much longer at all. 

Two minutes. 

Two minutes and Jisung’s eyes were rolling back, and his head was turned uncomfortably and Jesus it felt so good. Felt so good to watch this monster crumble beneath him. He stayed alive for way too long. Seungmin was painfully holding himself together before finally releasing, shuddering as he filled the corpse below. Yes corpse. Finally. Finally, he was dead. He was gone. He was fucking gone. 

Seungmin was so shaky. He could feel a big high building as he slid himself out of the lifeless being beneath him. He couldn’t fight the wide grin as he watched the white trickle down. Though he made sure to slide Jisung’s pants up quickly. He didn’t want his own DNA in this car, at all. He’d been so careful. He didn’t care if Jisung’s littered the car, but his could absolutely not be in this vehicle. Not one bit.

As Seungmin inched himself back out of the car, he sighed happily, tucking himself back into his pants. He felt so much relief. So much...happiness, like this was the best thing he’d ever done. 

“Damn.” Seungmin sighed out, giving himself a proud stretch before admiring the state of the man in the car before him. He was covered in blood. The back seat was just a red stain. Jisung was a stain in Seungmin’s world. He’d just have to clean him up later. 

Yeah, later. 

His problem. Jisung. It was over. Not only had he ensured Felix’s safety, but he’d saved Minho too. And gained another corpse for...later. He really hoped they’d deliver Changbin to him. He craved him for sure. If he wasn’t so worried about Minho coming to, he’d have his way with him now. But, another time. Minho didn’t deserve that trauma. Minho was innocent. He didn’t deserve any of this. 

Seungmin took in a deep breath before slipping his thick gloves onto his hands again, dragging Jisung by his ankles out of the car until his head smacked the pavement a little too hard, blood splashing the ground and over Seungmin’s shoes. Gross.

He upturned his nose before tugging the man along, not giving the slightest shit that Jisung’s body was dragging behind a trail of blood. Seungmin wondered how much pain Jisung had been in. He hoped a lot. That monster deserved it. 

Jisung seemed to get heavier as Seungmin dragged him across the snow covered ground, pushing himself back through the bushes he’d hid in before popping his own trunk open. Maybe he should leave him. Maybe. But...maybe leaving him here was risky. Maybe he should dump him somewhere further. Somewhere deeper. 

“It’s fine…” he cursed to himself as he hauled Jisung’s broken corpse into his arms. The feeling was different now that he was lifeless. Well, more lifeless. He felt so light all of a sudden. So broken and small...no. Seungmin didn’t care. Jisung was evil. He was evil. This wasn’t saddening. He never liked Jisung. He didn’t like what Jisung said about Minho. Or Hyunjin. And, fuck, the real pain in his ass was how he threatened to hurt Felix like Seungmin wouldn’t do anything about it. He really thought Seungmin wasn’t going to retaliate? 

Fuck Jisung. 

Seungmin rolled his body over the bubble wrap that covered the interior of his trunk, rolling his eyes as blood still dripped down from the boy’s lips. Fuck Jisung. 

He slammed the trunk shut, carefully examining the exterior to make sure there was no blood noticeable. He could always clean his trunk later. But if there was blood on his bumper…

It was clear. Everything was clear. Seungmin ran his gloved hands over the snow-covered hood of his trunk before allowing his smile to creep back up. 

This was a good thing. 

The next day was a quiet morning for sure. Early and pleasantly quiet. There was so much he could have gotten done with all of this free time. But for some reason, Seungmin couldn’t function. The only thing running through his mind was the body he’d shoved out of his car down the mountain. God, the joy. 

Maybe Seungmin should have cared more. But he couldn’t bring himself to. Not one bit. He was overjoyed. Even if anyone reported Seungmin (though he couldn’t imagine what for), he would bask in everything. He would never regret what he’d done. 

“Seungmin!”

Bright light. The brightest light. 

Felix. Felix was the reason he was okay with what he’d done. Not only was Jisung simply terrible, but he’d threatened Felix. He couldn’t forgive him for that. 

“I brought your coffee.” The blonde chimed, setting down the warm cup against the freezing metal counter, “I missed you last night.” Felix sighed, leaning in to press the slightest peck to Seungmin’s neck, resting his chin comfortably at his shoulder. Warmth. 

Seungmin took Felix’s hand into his own, bringing the man’s fingers to his mouth to press a subtle kiss of his own, “I’m sorry. I had to take a drive. My anxiety was really getting to me last night, and not even cleaning the entire house could calm my nerves.”

Felix has no choice but to believe Seungmin. Either that or he was just dumb, but Seungmin didn’t like to think of Felix that way. 

“Ah, well you’re here now. After work, you’re coming home with me, okay?” Felix whispered, continuing to trail soft pecks along Seungmin’s throat, the feeling of Felix’s spreading smile causing Seungmin to shiver. 

After work. Work. Seungmin always saw Felix after work. It was always nice. Always good to see Felix. Enjoy his presence. Wrap up in Felix’s blankets. Just exist together. He loved Felix. He loved him so much. Felix was perfect in every way. He’d killed Jisung for him. He did it for Felix. Felix was the most special boy in the world. 

The most special ‘living’ boy. 

With staggered breaths and a soft pop, Felix had turned his attention from Seungmins lips to the television they’d muted a half hour ago, “Seungmin...turn that up.” His special boy spoke, adjusting himself into Seungmin’s side at the couch. 

It took Seungmin a moment to process Felix’s words, but he grabbed the remote from his side table, adjusting the volume. Oh. 

Oh. 

Oh shit. 

“Is that?” Felix sounded so wounded, blinking and mouth gaping at the television. Why Seungmin had decided to leave the news on as they made out on his couch was...silly of him. Especially when he knew this would eventually happen. 

Seungmin wasn’t sure what to say. He stayed silent, looping an arm around Felix’s waist to hold him securely as the older male just gaped at the television. What could he say? He knew if he opened his mouth he’d just laugh. Because it was… he did that. In a way. 

Minho. He was okay. They said they recovered two bodies. Not three. Two. That means Minho was okay. Or they hadn’t excavated Hyunjin, but...there’s no way they didn’t check the hole for his corpse. Minho must have been alive. Good. 

“That...that’s his car. We saw it the other day that’s—“ Felix. Poor baby. He was hunched over the couch now, gripping the wastebasket. Poor baby was throwing up the meal they’d had earlier. 

“Felix…” Seungmin paused the television, hands rubbing along Felix’s shoulders as he vomited. He didn’t know what to say. He just sat there, listening to his special...his special and safe boy, wallowing in the wastebasket. 

Jisung’s photo on the screen. 

“Minnie, how long did you know him?”

Everything had calmed considerably. Despite the last few days of nothing but devastating news and Felix being glued to the screen, everything had dispersed. Just by a little. 

“Not long…” Seungmin lied, crossing his arms over his chest uncomfortably as Felix’s eyes scanned the TV. 

“I can’t believe that...that he did this. I mean it makes sense after hearing about the controversy online about him and that camboy but… wow. Who could have ever thought…” Felix was so obsessed with this. He didn’t think Felix would be, but it all intrigued him so much. Not in a morbid way, but in more of a pained way? 

Felix turned to face Seungmin, eyes glistening, “I’m so sorry about your other friend, too.”

He’d apologized over Changbin a lot. Seungmin had told him he knew him when he was in America. The times added up and made sense. But Seungmin wasn’t actually involved with Changbin at all. He was honestly just hoping they’d deliver his body to his morgue soon. But for some reason they hadn’t. Maybe they wouldn’t. It was a sad thought for sure. 

“I didn’t know him too well, either. They were both acquaintances.” He sighed, moving a hand to cover his face as if he was in any kind of anguish. 

Felix got up from the floor between Seungmin’s legs, face pressing into his neck as he settled onto his lap, “this whole thing is so crazy. How did...how does someone do that?”

Seungmin knew how. Jisung was sick. Twisted and disgusting. He was both a rapist and a murderer. He was revolting. 

“If Jisung contacts you...please call the police.” Felix whispered, breath nice and cool against his neck. 

He wouldn’t. Because they’d find Jisung soon. Maybe he should have left him with the others, but there was just something about the police finding Jisung’s disgusting frozen corpse in the middle of the mountains far from the crime scene so satisfying. 

“I love you.” Felix murmured then, arms wrapping around Seungmin’s neck, face nuzzled comfortably against his shoulder. 

Seungmin pressed tiny pecks to Felix’s blonde hair, slight grin forming as he stared at the television screen. “I love you too.”

He did love Felix. A lot. Felix was everything to him. His reason for living. But Seungmin couldn’t help how he felt about corpses. Not one bit. 

“Seungmin!” 

He loved Felix. He really did. He was the only person that Seungmin was comfortable with. Just Felix. 

“Hm?” Seungmin teased, rolling his hips steadily, the boy under him letting out soft whimpers, thighs tensing against Seungmins shoulders, “what is it?”

“I really love you.” Felix sighed, tightening his fingers around Seungmin’s as he adjusted himself, deep sighs escaping those pretty pink lips, “like, so much.”

Seungmin smiled, squeezing Felix’s hand as he helped move him, pressing his other hand comfortably along the boy’s hip. A hip that was in tact and very sturdy compared to Jisung’s. Jisung. His hips had been very interesting. 

“Minnie you can speed up.”

Oh. 

“You sure?” He laughed, leaning down to brush his nose along Felix’s, the older male just smiling wide and bright. He fucking adored Felix. 

They never lasted all that long. Felix’s stare and the way he’d bite down on his bottom lip always sent Seungmin over the edge quickly. Felix just had that effect on him. 

“I love you so much.” Seungmin finally gasped out, face buried into Felix’s collar, arms wrapped tightly around the slightly smaller frame. 

“I love you more.” Felix laughed, fingers tangling in Seungmin’s hair. He figured Felix was probably braiding it or something with all the excessive pulling. 

“Impossible”

“Nuh uh.”

“I thought we said we wouldn’t have ‘I love you’ wars anymore?” Seungmin snorted, raising his head some, eyes focusing on Felix’s wide smile, the man’s eyes glued to Seungmins hair. 

“Yeah yeah, I remember.” Felix smile grew wider, reaching those pretty eyes of his, “but I still love you more. The end.”

Felix. Seungmin knew why Jisung had threatened him. He was so fucking pure and pretty. 

So was Minho. 

It was a new development. Minho. Seungmin intended on keeping an eye on him, sure. Making sure Minho was okay. But the funeral... He didn’t think they’d meet up with him. He didn’t think Minho would abandon the hospital to go to Changbin’s funeral. 

“He looks terrible.” Felix spoke up, seeming shaken by the state of the older man they’d just dropped off at the hospital, “he passed out and...he looks so bad, Minnie.”

He did. He really did. Minho wasn’t in good shape. Seungmin needed to protect him. He had to make sure Minho was okay. Minho had...freed him. 

“We should...keep an eye on him.” Seungmin pressed, tapping at the steering wheel as they sat in the hospital parking lot. “Right?” 

“He doesn’t have anyone, does he?” Felix added, leaning his head against Seungmin’s shoulder, “like period. It’s just him and… I guess his parents but… his friend was killed. His other friend was found after months and… Jisung. Dude, he needs people.” Felix whispered. 

He did. Seungmin knew this. “We should hang out with him. I’m busy during the days, but...he seemed comfortable with you. You should visit him.” Seungmin smiled, ruffling Felix’s blonde hair. 

And for months he did. And when Minho got out of the hospital, they hung out. And everything seemed fine and okay. Minho was… Seungmin could see the appeal he had. He could clearly see how Jisung had gotten so obsessed with him. How Jisung wasn’t necessarily bluffing when he said Minho was perfect. 

He was just... really sweet and had this bright nature despite all of the darkness that had swallowed him. He was a lot like Felix. A lot. They both radiated such a strong energy. No wonder Jisung wanted Felix. It made sense. 

“Seungmin, are you okay?”

It took him a moment to register. 

“Min?” Minho was poking at Seungmin’s cheek, trying his best to get his attention. He was so precious. 

“I’m fine, sorry. Just… needed to process things.” He did. Minho had given them...a lot to process the other day. 

“Ah… I’m sorry.” Minho frowned, resting his head down on the bed, eyes falling shut, “I shouldn’t have gone into… all of that detail.”

“No, it’s fine. Really. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Seungmin laughed, patting Minho’s hair, “I’m glad you told us. But… you ended up not telling your therapist at all, huh?”

Minho groaned, scooting himself closer to Seungmin, “No. He got drunk and sweet. I didn’t want to upset him.”

Seungmin couldn’t fight the tiny smile, “sweet how?”

“Ahhh! I told you already!” Minho laughed, rolling onto his back, still as close to Seungmin as possible, “he was really gushy and took care of me when I panicked in the morning. He was just… really nice.”

“Oooh!” Seungmin snorted, pushing Minho playfully, the elder rolling again in a fit of giggles, “you crushing on the therapist?” Of course he was. 

“No! I—“ Minho turned again, wiggling his nose, “maybe so!”

“I knew it!” Seungmin announced, tickling Minho’s sides. 

Minho was cute. They were cute. Their friendship was cute. Meeting Minho, taking him in and taking care of him...was cute. 

But it hurt. 

Because Seungmin couldn't tell if he, himself, was genuine. Was this just all because of Jisung? It was right? Did he actually like Minho? He had to. Minho was so sweet, so gentle and precious. He was a good person and Seungmin… he must’ve known that, right? 

“Seungmin, we should go see him soon.”

Oh.

“I miss him.”

Yeah. Him. Changbin. Yeah. 

“You want to go? Felix is at work. I’d ask him but...if you’re not busy. When’s the last time you went?” 

Seungmin hasn’t gone to Changbin’s grave again for obvious reasons. Mostly because he didn’t know Changbin. Changbin’s death was unfortunate and lame considering he wasn’t even delivered to his morgue. But he just...had no reason to see him. 

“We can. He’s buried in that tree lot, right? That’d be nice. Seeing him.”

“I’d like the company. Every time I go with Felix I think I overwhelm him.”

Oh. 

“I mean, if you don’t want to see me cry like a baby… you don’t have to. It’s okay.” Minho laughed nervously, pulling himself upright, “I can go another time.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Seungmin wasn’t sure why he’d agreed. Seeing Minho break down about his story to them the other day was overwhelming for sure. Too much. Seungmin has gotten so bad that he nearly slipped. Nearly broke down and… told Minho the truth. He couldn’t have that. 

Now seeing Minho holding back tears at a little placard on a tree… fuck. Why did he agree? 

“I know you guys say it a lot… but it’s still my fault.” Fuck. 

“I just… how can I not take blame? Look at the flowers and… look at the people who loved him. He came back and was so worried because I didn’t report Ji—.” Minho’s slip ups were becoming so frequent. 

“It’s my fault. You know?” Minho was shaking. 

Fuck. 

“It’s not, you know that,” Seungmin spoke, pulling Minho into his shoulder, hand resting in the hair Felix had dyed for him. A nice ashy shade. It was supposed to be a weight off Minho’s shoulders, but no amount of hair dye or new clothes could repair the damage that had been done to this man’s heart. 

Minho just sobbed. Seungmin figured he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. It had gotten so bad that they had to squat at the ground, Minho a shuddering mess. Seungmin couldn’t even make out the words Minho murmured to him. None of them made any sense. 

His heart was cracking again. That guilt. He glanced up to the placard at the tree. 

This was his fault. Not Minho’s. His. 

He was there. He heard Changbin yell. He could have stopped it sooner. He could have stopped Jisung. He could have. All he had to do was rush Jisung. He could have taken him by surprise. And maybe he could have saved Changbin. And he’d still be a good guy. He’d be a good guy. A hero. 

But he wasn’t a hero. 

“Seungmin?”

He was shaking. 

“Seungmin, I’m sorry, this was a bad idea.” Minho was shuffling to his feet, “I should have known that you...there was a reason you weren’t coming here. I’m so sorry.” Minho was breathless, face red from crying. 

No. Don’t apologize. 

“Minho.”

“I, we can go. Come on.” Minho had his hand out, delicate fingers on display. 

He could have saved both of Minho’s hands. 

Maybe he’d reached his breaking point. 

“Seungmin…?”

He took a moment to catch his breath, eyes darting from the hand that was still bandaged up. The hand that Minho still really couldn’t use. The hand that… Seungmin knew what that hand had gone through. Yet he waited. He took his time. He allowed Minho to lose his other hand. Because of what? 

“Minho I… I’m so sorry.” Maybe he shouldn’t open that can of worms. Not when Minho is getting better. Minho was getting better. He was his friend. 

Telling Minho… would be wrong. It would hurt him too much. He’d relapse. He couldn’t do that to him. 

“Don’t… it’s my fault.” Minho sighed, crouching back down, fingertips pressed to Seungmin’s shoulder. 

Seungmin took one more steady breath before wrapping his arms tightly around the elder, squeezing against him as if he was freezing. Needing Minho’s warmth. Maybe he did. Maybe Minho’s warmth was what he needed to calm down. 

Don’t tell him.

“Seungmin…” Minho was laughing, patting Seungmins hair, “Lets go. I can buy you lunch. Maybe we can go see Felix?”

Yeah. Leave. Felix. Felix would be able to distract him. He would be fine

They would be fine. 

Don’t say a word. 

Keep a secret. Keep it forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew. Thanks for reading this short, but messy, trainwreck. This fic has been sitting for a long time. But I managed to finish the sixth part so I’m going to go ahead and leave this here. 
> 
> Again, if you enjoyed. Thanks. I’m glad you’re enjoying this very messy work. 
> 
> If you hated it? Cool. Hate it to me, not anyone else. 
> 
> I will not tolerate any drama. There wasn’t any in the last so I’m hoping the maturity sticks. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. 
> 
>   
A L S O 
> 
> I don’t know why on earth I have to do this but please do not reupload my work under any circumstances. If you’d like to for any reason please message me first, do not reupload my work. If you see my works on wattpad please report them, I will never grant permission for wattpad.  
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